25 Things I Can't Stand

I realized today that all my blogs have a pretty serious nature to them and I am not really a serious person at all. This one is meant to be funny, so find your humor and laugh along.

1. Lies/Liars/Lying- unless you are planning a surprise party of some sort or trying to bribe your child to go to sleep, is lying really necessary? For example, one of your friends says "Do you like my boyfriend/girlfriend?" (You actually can't stand them but instead you say...) OMG I love him/her. (Lie) He/she is totally amazing!(lie) You seem really great together! (Lie) Then in approximately 4-6 months (sometimes longer) you have to say.... Yeah, I never really liked him/her. I thought he/she was a total douche/bitch. Then what??? Your friend now hates you for letting them waste that much of their time.

2. Homophobia- They are not going to try to put it in your butt or eat your yatch. Get over yourself. You probably don't send off the gay vibe anyway and they probably think you are a total douche.

3. Clients that say they want a change but then tell me they don't want to cut off any length or change the color. Well wtf are you talking about then?

4. When people criticize me for being a vegan. No one told you that you can't eat meat or dairy. So eat your stupid slab of meat covered in cheese and STFU. I like being a vegan. It suits me and makes me happy.

5. People who drive in the left lane going below or just at the speed limit. I am speeding. I always do. Move over.

6. People who don't read. Pick up a GD book already and sound intelligent about something.

7. Girls posting half naked selfies on Instagram and getting 999,999 'likes' (slight exaggeration) Really? It's gross.

8. The people who are clicking 'like' on said picture. She is screaming for attention and you are giving it to her. Gross.

9. Rude waiters/waitresses. I've had your job, I know it sucks sometimes but if you are rude to me for no reason, it will effect your tip. Not sorry.

10. Overly pretentious, fratty, 20-something guys. You do not have money, your parents do. You are not better than me. You have zero life experience and you are a douche on top of that. Come find me in 5 years when you have gained a personality and a bank account of your own.

11. Girls who care about material things more than anything else. You may have a really nice bag but you have no soul.

12. People who smoke pot all day, everyday. Happy people don't do drugs. Fix your problems and stop trying to smoke them away.

13. When a barista puts whip cream on my soy latte.... Let's just think for a minute here. I can't have milk, so I probably can't have whip cream either.

14. Overly religious people. Religions are a lot like penises. They are all fine until someone is trying to jam theirs down your throat. Have your God, believe what you want to believe but please don't try to save me. I'm almost 28 yrs old. I've got this. If I wanted to go to church, I would.

15. Girls who still wear their hair platinum blond on top and black underneath. 2003 and the strip clubs called, they want their hair back. Seriously, just stop.

16. High waisted shorts/jeans. They are only cute on maybe 1% of girls, you are not that 1%.

17. Meat Heads. Hey beefy, where's the gym? How many protein drinks have you had today? Also, where is your neck? No, seriously...

18. When people refuse to listen to more than one genre of music. And the genre they usually like is the shittiest of all.

19. Dirty bathrooms. Whether it's in someone's home, a bar or a restaurant, nothing grosses me out more. I have to sit down to pee. Please clean it up.

20. Crying babies in grocery stores. I'm sorry moms but it makes my blood pressure rise and instantly puts me in a bad mood.

21. When people bring their children (who don't know how to behave in public) into the salon while they are having their hair done. That is not relaxing for anyone.

22. Pity-party throwers. No one feels sorry for you. We all have our own problems. Your pity party is a party for one. No one will be attending.

23. Racist people. It's 2012 almost 2013. You are stupid. And don't try to blame your parents or their parents. You are a grown person who can make your own opinions.

24. The color Yellow. I look horrible in it, therefore, I hate it. If you want me to be a bridesmaid in the future, don't pick yellow. I will decline.

25. People who don't appreciate my Birthday as much as I do. It's a big deal to me. Don't like it? Then don't speak to me the entire month of November.