With All My Faults

I went to go see The Fault In Our Stars this last week with my good friend Ashley. I didn't know much about the movie other than it was sad and I would probably bawl my eyes out. (Which I did) Within a few mintutes into the movie I knew I was going to love it. The philosophy behind the story was incredible, even though it was incredibly sad.

It really got me thinking and I couldn't stop thinking about it through the entire movie how Hazel Grace tells Augusta not to love her because she was like dynamite and it didn't make sense to love her. And while I don't have anything as serious as cancer, I find myself telling others why they shouldn't love me. Or better yet, why they won't. Instead of letting a person get to know me, I love to fill them in on all my faults right up front. Such as: I'm a commitment phobe, I never want to get married or have children, I'm selfish, I'm self-absorbed, my career will always come first and so on.

Why can't I just let someone in? Why can't I let them decide for themselves. Obviously, there was a reason they were drawn to me in the first place. Which brings me to another line in the movie that got to me is when Augusta talks about how Hazel Grace may not have been loved widely but she was loved deeply. Lately, I have been so concerned that everyone won't love me. I don't know where it came from. I spent the majority of my life not caring and now all the sudden I care. And I care too much. I just want everyone I meet to love me. But more importantly, I want someone to love me deeply. I really do. Just the way I am. With all my faults, with all my sarcasm, with all my loudness, with all my inappropriateness, and be able to hold on for the ride.