First of all, let me just say I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or scared by how obsessed you are with keeping tabs on my life. I mean, I have you blocked from twitter so in order for you to see my tweets you have to log out of your account, search my name, and then read through the hundreds of tweets I tweet in a typical day. Who has time for that?! I know I have some men that do that, but that's because they are attracted to me. Are you attracted to me? In love with me? Are you a closeted lesbian? Boy, this is getting weird.
Anyway, my life is no concern to you. If you are so happy with your new husband and love your children so much, let that be your sole focus. I do not want your life or envy you. I would not want to be on marriage number 2 before 30, with 2 kids from a previous marriage, or married to a cop. Also, if you are so much of a Christian you should probably try to be more Christ like and not make judgements on my life. My words and actions have no effect on you at all. We don't live in the same town or even the same state. We don't associate with the same people anymore and I don't say anything about you when I am in presence of people who use to associate with you. If I wanted to, I could have done that when I was in Durango for my brother's wedding. You mean nothing to me. You are simply the mother of my niece and nephew. I care about their well-being and nothing of yours. I'm tired of others making me aware that you are talking about me. My twitter is my own and my place that I can vent, talk freely and over-share if I want to. Do you have to approve of what I say? No. Is it any of your business? No. Do you need to tell my brother when I talk about my family? No.
In conclusion, I really hope that you can focus on your life and your actions and be the best wife and mother you can be. I'm going to live my life, go out, date, get drunk, be ridiculous and chase my dreams. I'm sorry if that threatens you and makes you envious. But seriously, have a nice life.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Why I'm Taking A Break From Twitter
I've known I've needed a break for awhile, but this last week drove the point home. It will probably be much like my break from men... Short lasting. Because let's be honest, I'm addicted to both. And both really distract me from my goals.
I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter. I love it because I have met some really amazing people. I'm very grateful that twitter brought Leslie, Macy and Carrie into my life. (Just to name a few) They have been there for me many times to offer advice and support and I am eternally grateful for that. I also love how many laughs and entertaining evenings it has provided at concert events. However, I was sitting in class this morning listening to our speaker talk about breeding grounds for negativity and how one minute you can be perfectly happy with your life and the next you get sucked into other's negativity and suddenly you hate your job/friends/significant other and just life in general. I've felt some of that creeping into my thoughts lately and it occurred to me that those thoughts are mainly put into my head through twitter. This last week there was a lot of unnecessary drama and it hurt a lot of people. That isn't anything I want to be a part of. I'm trying to make my life better and follow my goals and dreams and want to encourage others to go for theirs too.
One of the other things the speaker spoke about was discouragers in our lives. It brought tears to my eyes because I realized I have been listening to too many other voices than my own that have kept me from my dreams. I don't need that. I don't need input from people who are too scared to live their own lives affecting the way I live mine. I have big dreams and goals. I have plans to be a serious force in my career field. I have plans to leave Kansas and pursue these plans. I know I am capable. I know I am talented enough and I know that I need people on my team as a group of supporters.
Right now, Twitter is just a huge distraction for me. I spend more hours a day on Twitter than I need to. This has caused me to not be as mindful to my time and dedication to my career. The only way to achieve my goals is to refocus on where I want to go and make a plan. So until then, #ByeFelicia to Twitter. I will still be posting my work and happenings on IG and Facebook because I can limit my time on those easily. I also hope to blog my progress through here if you care to follow along. I'm also hoping to better my communication with people I care about during this time as well. Thank you for understanding.
I have a love/hate relationship with Twitter. I love it because I have met some really amazing people. I'm very grateful that twitter brought Leslie, Macy and Carrie into my life. (Just to name a few) They have been there for me many times to offer advice and support and I am eternally grateful for that. I also love how many laughs and entertaining evenings it has provided at concert events. However, I was sitting in class this morning listening to our speaker talk about breeding grounds for negativity and how one minute you can be perfectly happy with your life and the next you get sucked into other's negativity and suddenly you hate your job/friends/significant other and just life in general. I've felt some of that creeping into my thoughts lately and it occurred to me that those thoughts are mainly put into my head through twitter. This last week there was a lot of unnecessary drama and it hurt a lot of people. That isn't anything I want to be a part of. I'm trying to make my life better and follow my goals and dreams and want to encourage others to go for theirs too.
One of the other things the speaker spoke about was discouragers in our lives. It brought tears to my eyes because I realized I have been listening to too many other voices than my own that have kept me from my dreams. I don't need that. I don't need input from people who are too scared to live their own lives affecting the way I live mine. I have big dreams and goals. I have plans to be a serious force in my career field. I have plans to leave Kansas and pursue these plans. I know I am capable. I know I am talented enough and I know that I need people on my team as a group of supporters.
Right now, Twitter is just a huge distraction for me. I spend more hours a day on Twitter than I need to. This has caused me to not be as mindful to my time and dedication to my career. The only way to achieve my goals is to refocus on where I want to go and make a plan. So until then, #ByeFelicia to Twitter. I will still be posting my work and happenings on IG and Facebook because I can limit my time on those easily. I also hope to blog my progress through here if you care to follow along. I'm also hoping to better my communication with people I care about during this time as well. Thank you for understanding.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Dating
When it comes to dating, I know that I don't want to be cynical forever. I want to have hope. I want to believe there is someone out there for me. I want to believe when I make a connection with someone that they could be the one who changes my mind and makes me believe in love. I want to believe that not all men aren't looking just to bang me. I want to believe that when someone seems too good to be true, they really aren't. I want to believe that someone could see that I have a lot to offer.
Maybe everyone I meet is suppose to be teaching me a lesson. But I'm tired and I feel like I'm out of lessons to learn. Dating is exhausting. Trying to meet someone you really connect with is even worse. So when you do and your hopes are flying high, it hurts even more to be disappointed.
I feel like the main reason I don't date is that I can't handle the up and down of my feelings. I joke that I'm dead on the inside but in reality, I feel everything. I read into positives and and read into negatives. I see the messages that aren't there and I FEEEL THEM. I may not express to many people what I'm feeling, but I feel it. I internalize it. And it hurts.
I've never felt like I was ready to share my life with someone before, but now that I am, I'm sick of wasting my time. Don't fill me full of bull shit and lies. Because every time someone new does that to me, I build up a new wall. At this point, it's already really fucking hard to break them down. Don't make it worse.
I'm sick of feeling hurt, betrayed and lied to. At what point does that stop?
Maybe everyone I meet is suppose to be teaching me a lesson. But I'm tired and I feel like I'm out of lessons to learn. Dating is exhausting. Trying to meet someone you really connect with is even worse. So when you do and your hopes are flying high, it hurts even more to be disappointed.
I feel like the main reason I don't date is that I can't handle the up and down of my feelings. I joke that I'm dead on the inside but in reality, I feel everything. I read into positives and and read into negatives. I see the messages that aren't there and I FEEEL THEM. I may not express to many people what I'm feeling, but I feel it. I internalize it. And it hurts.
I've never felt like I was ready to share my life with someone before, but now that I am, I'm sick of wasting my time. Don't fill me full of bull shit and lies. Because every time someone new does that to me, I build up a new wall. At this point, it's already really fucking hard to break them down. Don't make it worse.
I'm sick of feeling hurt, betrayed and lied to. At what point does that stop?
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