My Health Or My Sanity

Apparently I don't get to have both. Long term is to be healthy. Right now I'm losing my fucking mind.

A few months ago I went to a new Dr to see if he could figure out why my thyroid was swollen and after a lot of testing, we figured out it was a lot more than my thyroid. Turns out I have a gluten allergy which stemmed the inflammation of my stomach, small intestine, thyroid, part of my brain and after I injured my arm the inflammation took over there too. I also was vitamin D deficient, hypoglycemic and had a bacteria and parasite in my digestive tract. I knew I felt bad but I had no idea it was that bad.

My Dr. put me on 6 different supplements to help my immune system, the inflammation, give me nutrients and get rid of the bacteria. As well as putting me on the worse diet that anyone could possibly think of. The diet consists of: No grains, beans, nuts, dairy, eggs, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, high glycemic fruits (melons, bananas, or tropical fruits) low shade vegetables (potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, peppers) and no condiments or sauces of any kind. You may be asking yourself, what can you eat? Simple: Nothing that could potentially bring any joy or happiness to my life. I eat the same thing basically everyday. Grilled chicken, turkey bacon, sweet potatoes, broccoli, plums and apples. The occasional salad with oil and vinegar as my dressing and maybe a few berries here and there.

As a former vegan bringing meat back into my diet has really sucked. But I have to eat it 3-4 times a day. I've mostly been eating chicken and turkey bacon because it is all I can stomach. Every time I eat it's because I know I have to. There is no joy in prepping or eating my meals like there use to be. Everyone thinks this should be easier than being a vegan but it's so much worse. There is no variety. And unless I want to go to the store everyday to pick out 1-2 fruits and vegetables at a time, it just has to be this way otherwise things go bad before I can eat them.

I also didn't realize how much of my social life surrounded eating and drinking. Now that I'm on this stupid diet, I have no social life at all. I can't go out to many restaurants because of all the restrictions and I don't want to go out to the bar to watch other people drink. This has made me terribly cranky. I hate feeling alone. I hate not being able to live my life. I have spent way too much time of the last 3 weeks either in bed or on my couch. I don't see why anyone would even want to be around me right now because I'm seriously a hag. Oh and I can t work out either. Which makes my mood even worse.

I only have one more week until they add some grains and nuts back in, I believe. If I can make it through this week! My nerves are wearing thin and I want to cry all the time because I feel so isolated. I leave for LA in 3 weeks and will be traveling non-stop for 9 days. I really hope by that point I can eat somewhat normally and drink coffee and vodka or I think I will just walk out onto the 405.

I am truly miserable. The only plus side is that I've lost 5 pounds which looks much more like 15. Pants are fitting that haven't fit in years and you can see my hip bones. Hooray to starving to death!