Ghosted Again

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the term ghosted but if you're not, it means the person you have been talking to/seeing/dating decides one day for no apparent reason they are no longer going to communicate with you. If it hasn't happened to you, it's definitely happened to one of your friends. It happened to me again for like the 90 millionth time. Ok it hasn't happened that many times but it's starting to feel like it. Maybe it's just me but I would rather someone just say "Hey, turns out I don't like you." than to never hear from them again. It's such a weird and bizarre thing. And as much as I want to pretend that they died when I never hear from them again, thanks to social media I know it isn't true.

This will spin any person into a tailspin of reading every text from the past several days over and over again to see if there is a subtext in the texts, to try to remember every conversation of the last phone call and of course make up your own story of what happened. My go-to story is that no one likes me and that no one ever will. Not in a pity party way... But in a way that unfortunately, this is my story. I don't like this story and I don't want it to be my truth but how do I change that? 

I always feel like I'm pretty upfront with men. I always tell them that I'm kinda a lot. I have a big personality, I'm very independent, but I'm also kinda needy. I know these things and I don't think they are necessarily bad. I feel like I'm honest to a fault so of course I expect the same. Unfortunately, most people are too scared to say how they feel and would rather just run away. 

Even though I really liked this last guy a lot, I'm handling it better than I thought I would. I've already deleted our text thread and deleted him off all social media. These are important steps for me because I can literally stew and wonder about a situation forever. The reality is, I know whatever it was that made him do this wasn't really about me. It triggered something in him he wasn't ready for or someone else popped up into his life. And you know what? That's ok. I would rather know now that he can't commit than allowing him in and out of my life for years like I've done with someone in the past. 

So while it sucks and it hurts... I'm ok. I'm really ok. My life is heading in a good direction, I'm getting clearer on my goals and who I want in my life, and I've started seeing a therapist twice a month. It could be so much worse. It's a cut but not a deep one that I can't heal from.