What's Next For Me?!

Probably the best and worst thing about myself is that I am a planner. I always need a plan. A direction. A feeling like I'm accomplishing something in my life. I know what the long term goal is and that is to be a Platform Artist for Pureology and to have my work in major fashion and salon magazines. The constant question in my head is: Am I in the right spot to make this happen? Do I need to move? Move where? I feel like I am in a more successful place in my career than I've ever been but I have a long way to go. And if I move that means starting completely over. Starting over scares me. Obviously. I think it scares everyone. I'm so afraid of getting out there and failing that I keep setting myself back.

This year has been amazing as far as my career goes. I've started to work with a photographer, I've worked more hair shows, and I've worked on stage with the Artisitc Director of Pureology. I'm afraid if I move I won't have these same opportunities. But what if I'm missing better opportunities?!

I was really thinking about moving to Canada to work in the Artistic Director of Pureology's salon but after some coaching and soul searching I have decided that that is not the right move for me. I want to be in California so bad with my good friend Andi but everyone I know there is a hairstylist. I am afraid I wouldn't be able to build a clientele only knowing other hairstylists. I also don't want to have to work 2-3 jobs to survive. I just don't. I've struggled much of the last 10 years and I just don't want to do it anymore.

I want to be in a place where I am so busy I need an assistant so I don't have to shampoo or blow dry anymore. I want to be able to charge what I am worth. And that is much more than I'm charging now. I want to be able to go to NYC a couple times a year to take education at The Redken Exchange. I want to be a better version of myself. I want to know my arm isn't going to fail me again. I want to know that all these things are possible.

I just renewed my lease from July 31st to December 31st because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I knew that wasn't enough time to make a decision. I wish I could just fly by the seat of my pants and let things happen but I am freaking out. Sometimes I wish I were fearless and didn't have that little voice in the back of my head saying "Don't be stupid! How are you going to pay your bills?!"

I'm hoping a sign will appear to me as to where I'm suppose to go. Maybe it's just to KC for a few years. Maybe it's somewhere I'm not even thinking of. Who knows. But if I seem stressed and distant that is what I am thinking about.