I'll Be Home For Christmas... Actually, I won't

I made the decision not to go home for Christmas this year for many reasons but mostly because the last two conversations between my sister and I via text have been mostly her telling me how selfish I am. Mind you, these two conversations were 20 days apart with no communication in between. It all started with her texting me that she didn't think we should draw names between siblings and their significant others this year and all buy gifts for Matt(my older brother) like we did last year. We all bought for him last year because he was going through his divorce and was having a hard time financially. So I told my sister I didn't think it was fair to all just buy for him again this year and that I've had a hard year financially too because of my health and opening my business at the salon. To which she responded, we are all in the same boat. Stop thinking about yourself for once.

It's funny that I have spent thousands of dollars on my siblings and their children over the last 7 years but I'm the selfish one. I have been to every wedding shower, baby shower, Christmas, Easter and birthday parties all bearing gifts for them and their kids and what have I received in return? Nothing. This year my sister called me after I was already out for the night to tell me Happy Birthday, my oldest brother told me on Facebook, my younger brother didn't tell me at all. They never congratulate me after something good has happened for me and my career, they never compliment me or tell me that they love me, only point out my flaws and tell me why I am still single.

For the last several years I have told people I only go home to see my nieces and nephews so they can form their own opinion of me before my siblings and parents can corrupt them into thinking I'm a horrible person. I've left 3 Christmases in the past bawling because my family treated me so horribly. I wasn't going to allow that to happen this year. I'd rather stay home and cry than go and come home feeling completely defeated and unloved.

It's not about receiving gifts, it's about feeling appreciated and loved and that someone took the time to think about you. I don't feel that way at all. I feel awful that I can't be with my nieces and nephews because they have done nothing wrong. I know instead of my family seeing that I am sick of being treated horribly it will be seen as that I'm trying to make things all about me again but I really am over feeling this way. I would never let my friends treat me or be treated this way, so why would I allow it for myself?

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season. I will now be spending it with friends who have so kindly invited me in.